I really don’t know what’s wrong with my friends.
- Me: Eric, Gabe, and I are thinking of going to some dood's party to watch the Super Bowl. He's got a 100" TV!
- MG: Cool.
- Me: We can get you invited. Where are you gonna watch it from?
- MG: The Superdome...in New Orleans.
- Me: ...
Birthday Present FML
Amy: Happy birthday! I got you reading glasses. They magnify what you’re reading by 2x.
Me: Wtf?! This is like for old people. Worst present ever, seriously.
Amy: Fine. I’ll just return them.
Me: Wait…actually…let me try them on… (FML)
- Amy: I got hit on like four times last night.
- Me: Really?! How did I not see this?
- Amy: All the guys would make their move when the Fernet shots showed up.
- Me: Fernet fml...
Tattoo artist Ryan Fitzgerald from Dayton, OH was hit with a $100,000 lawsuit last week by his ex-girlfriend Rossie Brovent. She claims that her boyfriend was supposed to tattoo a scene from Narnia on her back but instead tattooed an image of a pile of excrement with flies buzzing around it.
Apparently, Ryan found out that Rossie had cheated with a long-time friend of his, but instead of confronting her about it he acted like everything was normal and hatched a plan for revenge. Originally, Rossie tried to have Ryan charged with assault, but the ingenious tattoo artist had covered his bases by plying Rossie with wine and tequila shots and getting her to sign a consent form that stated the design was “at the artist’s discretion.”
No word from Rossie on whether the illicit night of passion with Ryan’s friend was worth it. Moral of the story? Never cheat on a tattoo artist.
Good Breakfast FML
- Amy: Thanks for making breakfast. It was great!
- Me: Yea, I dated a lot after my divorce.
- Amy: ...